Creating a Comic

My apologies for the recent bombardment of social networking nonsense around here.

I’m still not exactly sure what happened, but I think the typically well-behaved Sociable had a few too many drinks at a recent plug-in update party, vomiting brightly-colored share buttons all over the place.

Then it took the absentee landlord weeks to even notice, of course… Anyway, the pearls of wisdom offered here are yours to do with as you please: to share, to hoard, to make into a necklace and fling — it’s entirely up to you.¹

Believe me, I’m just grateful that this is the site you’ve chosen to visit while pretending to work.

1. And your consenting adult partner. [↩]

Paraphrase of a recent text conversation with a female friend I’ll call Sassy:

Sassy: You should go, Siobhan is there 
 CJ: No thanks, I'm still annoyed about 10pm girl
 Sassy:  I misunderstood her message anyway, she's at home
 CJ: For future reference, how the eff do you pronounce
       your friend's name
 Sassy: Siobhan = "Shyvonne" like Evonne. It's Celtic

OK, well, it’s also goddamn retarded.

Last night, in a fit of drunken pique, this girl I’ve been seeing ripped the cell phone right out of my hands and then smashed it into the wall, breaking it. The phone now makes these interesting techno-strangling noises when various buttons are mashed, but that’s about all it can do. I can no longer send and receive phone calls. ¹

The wherefores and what-fors that led to her blind smashy rage are mildly amusing, but I’m going to skip them for now because they distract from the point, which is: my phone is now broken, and this is because she broke it.

Again, this happened last night.

Cut to the present: she is apparently mad at me right now because — for 100% realsies — I have been too hard to reach all day.

So anyway, at least I’ve learned something important about this girl. It’s something that probably should’ve been obvious about her right from the beginning, long before this weekend: she is Totally. The. One!

1. I can still send/receive text messages, if you need to get in touch or want to continuing harassing me with dong shots [↩]

“I hate my fucking bank,” said my friend. He was pissed off.

“Which bank?” I asked.

“It’s…” he started to reply, then paused and looked at me. “Does it really matter? It’s a fucking bank.”

I conceded the point.

A series of new debit card fees has stirred up new outrage at banks — and also, oddly, at Congress, despite the fact that these fees used to simply be hidden charges, and the new rules actually benefit consumers.

But nevermind the politics, which are boring; here’s an older but still very funny routine about bank fees by the incomparable Louis CK:

Incidentally, financial services behemoth Goldman Sachs was once memorably characterized as “a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money” Still one of my favorite sentences in the history of journalism.

It was of course Jeffrey Ross, as usual, who cleaned up with at least half of the ten best jokes at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen — including the best joke that wasn’t about Charlie:

 

 
Knowing the back story helps.

Awful? Hilarious? Tasteless? Delicious? Yes, yes, yes, and yes!