Last night, in a fit of drunken pique, this girl I’ve been seeing ripped the cell phone right out of my hands and then smashed it into the wall, breaking it. The phone now makes these interesting techno-strangling noises when various buttons are mashed, but that’s about all it can do. I can no longer send and receive phone calls. 1
The wherefores and what-fors that led to her blind smashy rage are mildly amusing, but I’m going to skip them for now because they distract from the point, which is: my phone is now broken, and this is because she broke it.
Again, this happened last night.
Cut to the present: she is apparently mad at me right now because — for 100% realsies — I have been too hard to reach all day.
So anyway, at least I’ve learned something important about this girl. It’s something that probably should’ve been obvious about her right from the beginning, long before this weekend: she is Totally. The. One!