I know I said I’d have another stand-up comedy topic today. Sorry. Blame Andrew.
Do you ever wonder how to qualify something as a sport? Wonder no longer. These are The Rules of Sport, tried and true, passed on for years and utterly infallible. There are four Rules:
- Features a contested object of possession.
- Athletic ability is required.
- The human body is the main source of energy.
- Neither conceived of, nor popularized by, children or females.
There are many perfectly noble categories of human competitive endeavor, among them those activities classified as martial arts, endurance activities, survival skills, reflex skills, arcade and board games, etc. No one disputes that these require a lot of skill. They are all deserving of respect and recognition. However:
They are not sports.
And neither is your pet activity, if it violates one of these rules, no matter how passionate you might be about it.
There’s nothing wrong with your hobby—just stop pretending it’s a sport. It isn’t. We’re looking at you here, track & field, skiing, biking, swimming, and most other Olympic nonsense (#1); golf, bowling, shooting, fishing (rule #2); NASCAR and polo (#3) and kickball, pickle, field hockey, WNBA, foxy boxing, etc. (the controversial yet utterly incontestable rule #4).
Bring it.
Related entries in Creating a Comic:
- Louis CK on being white
- Preparing a Set List
- Stephen Colbert has huge brass balls
- “How long have you been doing comedy?”
C’mon. Turn it into a bit. [sports announcer voice] Joke off Challenege [/SAV] lol. You’ve got a good first punchline with WNBA. It’s easily a more favorable position than mine
Andrew J Rivers
July 27th, 2009
In my pathetic little career planning arc, I was saving this until I was better at crowd work. I had always planned to do it, but maybe you’re right: the sooner the better.
CJ
July 27th, 2009
Oy. This is turning into a huge comment. lol. I’ll just email you.
Read the Talent Code. Struggle is good for you.
Andrew J Rivers
July 27th, 2009